Hazmat

Have you ever felt like a walking Hazmat situation?

This week, I found myself one evening with milky Sophie remnants on both shoulders and a moist lap after having both Zoe and Mia eat part of their suppers in my lap. Yuck!

I'm buying stock in hand sanitizer and soap.

Zoe Speak

Zoe: Mom, we don't have to give Sophie back do we? Because we grew her in your tummy, we don't have to return her; she's ours, right?

Planning Parties

Zoe, for a few weeks now you have been planning your fifth birthday party. This demonstrates a significant amount of forethought on your part because your birthday is 4.5 months away. You have had several elaborate birthday plans, but the most recent one has been getting the most traction.

You would like a princess party. You plan to have "all the regular princesses, plus the mermaid Ariel, Cinderella", and others. This continues to amaze me because we watch almost no television and read few Disney books, and yet you seem to know all these characters well. For your party, you want the girls to all be princesses and the boys to be "the protectors". I haven't fully figured out this protector role, but the feminist in me is on alert.

You want to have two cakes: one for the princesses and one for the protectors. You would like both cakes to be labeled with "Happy Birthday Zoe." And, of course, you want everyone to dress up for the occasion.

I'll be interested to see what has your interest when your birthday rolls around a few months from now.

Master of the Boring Story

It seems that Zoe and Mia both wind down and fall asleep more quickly after a bedtime story. Books are helpful and so is a CD with white noise on it, but neither work as well as a long story.

I thought my masterful skills at visioning and relaxation would do the trick. They both are similar to long stories but have the added, research-backed usefulness of mindfulness. But, it seems that Scott's boring story technique is superior. Tonight, Scott told a story about waiting for his car to be fixed and for the repairman to call him back. The highlight of the story went something like this...

Dad: So I called him at 2 pm. And the phone rang once, rang twice, rang three times, rang four times, rang five times, rang six times and he did not answer. I called again at 4 pm and the phone rang once, rang twice...and on and on.

You'd think this could have turned in to a thriller at any moment, but it was the equivalent of watching paint dry. That could put anyone to sleep. Well done dad!

Footnote: For those of you thinking to yourself, "didn't Scott just get a new (used) car?", the answer is yes. And, yes, it is already in the repair shop. Urgh!

Empathy

Today when I came home, Zoe told me that Ruth lost her sunglasses. At first, she told me, in front of Ruth, that she wanted to help Ruth think about where she'd left them. She pointed out that if Ruth was a good listener, she'd probably remember where she left her glasses. (I'm not following the logic but I can guess where she's getting the "good listener" language from.) She than asked me to take down her piggy bank and help her get all the money out so she could give Ruth the money to get some new glasses if she can't find her own. Now, that's solid empathy for a four year old in my book.

Resources

I was driving along today and reflecting about a friend who is dealing with some difficult things. That led me to ponder what her resources were and whether she was getting what she needed.

Fast forward through the inner workings of my mind, and I recalled an experience I had during graduate school. It made me think of you girls and hoped that you'd consider me a chief resource one day.

In graduate school, dad and I lived in a little townhouse complex in Athens, GA. It was a cute area with a tiny backyard that we managed to grow an extraordinary amount of basil and strawberries in. We were a bit miscalculated when we bought the seeds and the stuff was literally coming up everywhere. We had a bird feeder and a fence in the backyard area that we decorated (poorly) with all kinds of designs. The whole space was smaller than your bedroom (this statement is likely true of whatever size room you live in - it was that small). My bedroom was decorated with rose pedals and bird feathers. Dad had a guitar that he actually got to spend some decent time playing.

One morning, I was outside walking our dog Chloe (early!), and I heard a noise and saw our neighbors running out of their house distressed and asking for help. It was a house that four college boys shared. I ran across the street and rushed to try to help their roommate who had just shot himself in the head. He died. It was one of the more difficult things I've experienced in my life. Dad came outside right away too, but I urged him not to follow me inside. I knew that something bad was happening, and I didn't want him exposed to. I believed (and still do) that images are powerful, and once I saw what was going on, I didn't want dad to see it too.

The next days were filled with a series of events that aren't related to why I'm sharing this so I'll fast forward a few weeks. I'm sitting at a family lunch in Atlanta, GA next to my grandfather, Robert (aka Bobby) Moret. He was a very soft spoken gentle man when I knew him, although I'm told he was much more "assertive" when he was younger.

Anyway, out of the blue, he says to me without any preface or eye contact something along the lines of..."that thing that happened to your neighbor friend - I experienced something like that once too. It can be hard." And, in an instant, I felt connected and not so alone.

My point is that there are resources in places we'd never consider looking. There are people in our lives who can teach us lessons we didn't even know needed teaching. I hope one day you'll consider me a resource (along with your dad, sisters, grandparents, etc.) on topics that you may not have considered. Just because I'm your mom, doesn't automatically count me out - I hope just the opposite - it counts me in.

PS - As I've since learned, it's not that surprising that Bobby shared what he did with me while we were sitting next to each other and eating lunch side by side. Boys are more willing to talk if you're shoulder to shoulder and doing something with your hands.

The Pool

Today Zoe, Mia and I went to the pool. I thought I'd give Scott an afternoon off, and it was a great pool day.

We arrived and the small pool was closed. This was a minor set back to my plan because it's easiest to keep tabs on the girls (neither of whom are independent swimmers yet) in the shallow pool.

It was also outrageously crowded. Seriously, there were so many people camped out putting on sunscreen, etc. that we had to ask people to move to get through the lockers and in to the swim area. There were people everywhere - like ants.

So, we knelt down and had a family meeting. I told them that we could stay and swim in the big pool, but I needed them to help make sure they could see me and I needed to be able to see them. This was important because it wouldn't be much of a help to Scott if I happened to loose a kid while giving him a break.

They were great. At first, we just jumped in circles and, with my help, practiced kicking and pulling within a small corner of the pool. Then they started blowing bubbles and dunking under water. And of course, there was lots of shrieking. After about 45 minutes of this, we got out to play in the splash ground area. On our way back in, we realized that the small pool was open so we went over. Zoe went right in and started to ... swim! She didn't rely on touching the bottom and she swam with her head under water. She was so proud of herself. Now, if only I can find a pair of goggles that she likes so her eyes aren't so red.

Mia was an absolute delight too. She found a small child and approached her with a toy ball to ask if she wanted to play catch. She stayed in relatively the same spot playing catch with this other little girl for at least 10 minutes. She also was so comfortable in the water and easily went under water to blow bubbles and start trying to learn to swim.

Oh, I love summer.

Sophie- Three Months

Sophie, you are such a delicious baby. This month has been full of coos and smiles. You have a very gentle and sweet temperament. When you cry, it's often because you have some bubbles in your tummy or you're tired, and you are generally easy to soothe.

You have found both hands and often like to gnaw on your fists. You really enjoy baby massage and bath time. When daddy makes zerberts on your tummy, you giggle which is such a treat. You also like lying on the activity mat or pack and play and looking up at the mobiles. You even seem to enjoy tummy time. Most impressive is how well you can hold your head up. In this photo it's a little hard to tell, but you have your feet and your head held high.

You are so aware of your environment now that any passing shadow can be exciting. After such an exciting day, once you're tired at night, you have little tolerance for staying up. You make it clear that you'd rather be put to bed.

You sleep through the night most nights. Shortly after you turned two months, you did this for the first time. It was off and on for the next couple of weeks, but now it's pretty consistent. Sometimes you wake up around 3 or 4 am for a little cuddle, but you aren't interested in eating and go back to sleep relatively quickly. We say goodnight around 7:30 pm and you generally wake up around 6:15 am. If this lasts, I'll be forever grateful that we weren't confronted with the decision of whether or not to do sleep training. Your naps aren't yet well organized, but you seem to be settling in to an afternoon nap rhythm.

You eat around every three hours during the day, and you do not yet drink from bottles. Your sisters didn't either. While I told myself we would use more bottles with you, we have not and likely won't.

We had fun visits this month from Uncle Brad, Grandma Barbara and Grandpa Ed Sirkin, and Michele Campisi and Julie Slick. You also took your first airplane trip to Houston, Texas. Other firsts included a train ride, visit to Grandpa Milton's store, and a babysitter at night for two hours after you went to bed.

You love bath time, and we are looking forward to introducing you to the pool and hopefully the ocean later in the summer.

And, you continue to get lots of attention and entertainment from Zoe and Mia. They insist on playing with you every day, and you reward them with lots of smiles and cooing.

Happy three months!

Love,

Mom

Things I Do Well and Not So Well

At the park the other day, Mia and I were playing at the swings. I noticed that she was doing a pretty good job trying to pump her legs to make the swing move on her own. This was impressive for a two year old. Then, I heard another kid sneeze and need a tissue, and in my mind, these things reminded me of things I do pretty well and things I don't do so well as a mom.

Things I Do Pretty Well:

Teach how to swing on a swing - Zoe and Mia both took to swinging easily. I just helped along in how to pump their legs.

Potty learning - I don't do potty training per se, but just try to have lots of opportunity and be low key about it.

Things I Don't Do As Well:

Teach how to use a tissue/nose blowing - I remember being particularly impressed with how Zoe's friend Connor learned to do this so naturally. I finally found some language to help me along with Mia, but I'm no pro.

Bedtime patience - I don't have a lot of this. I'm a pretty good mom 23.5 hours a day. That last half hour is unfortunately during bedtime when I.am.done.

Traveling with Three - Houston, Part 2

We took our first airplane trip with all three girls to Houston. I psyched myself up and simultaneously practiced some reality testing that it could be miserable. The baggage alone still boggles me. We had 11 things to remember (not counting the three breathing ones):

1. Luggage wheels
2. Stroller
3. Sophie car seat
4. Mia car seat
5. Girls suitcase
6. Our suitcase
7. Snack bag
8. Carry on
9. Pump (aka "the dreaded", not to be confused with "the precious")
10. Pack and play
11. Purse/diaper bag

It sounds like a lot, especially for two people who can get by easily with one carry-on a piece, but it actually packed smaller and more easily than any trip we've taken before with two kids. The airport security folks were much better about handling the milk and the pump than they were the last time I traveled with one, and everyone slept on the plane at least part of the time both ways. Normally I cope on the plane by putting ear buds in one ear and listening to the movie, but there was no movie on the return flight. But they served snacks so it balanced out. All in all, it was much, much better than anticipated.

When we arrived at the hotel, they only had adjoining rooms with king size beds. Zoe and Mia sharing a room is one thing. I figured sharing a bed was likely to introduce unbearable excitement. And it did. The second night, after many efforts to induce sleep (over a fairly short period of time because I have limited patience at bedtime), I took a new approach.

Please, put your judgment aside. It worked and no-one cried.

I told the girls that we shared a hotel with lots of other paying customers, and that if they couldn't quiet down and fall asleep, the hotel people may ask us to leave. At this point, Scott looked at me with eyebrows raised to remind me that I'm about to break all our rules, chiefly making threats that aren't real. So, when they kept talking, I had to find a way to turn my threat in to a real consequence.

I went in the other room and called the front desk to ask if someone could help me teach my kids a lesson. The nice clerk Amed told me they were very busy but he'd call right back. He did. I explained our situation and he said he was on his way. At that point, I went back in to the girls room and reminded them that if they weren't quiet, the hotel worker may have to ask us to leave.

I met Amed, an impressive roughly 6'4" man, in the hallway. We talked for a few minutes, and then he went in to their room and said roughly the following:

Zoe, Mia, here's the deal. I work at the hotel. It is time for you to put on your bedtime manners. That means you need to lay down, put your head on the pillow, stop talking, close your eyes and fall asleep. There are other guests here trying to sleep to. Do you want to stay in the hotel? (Zoe and Mia nod emphatically, yes!) Amed continues, ok then, don't forget your bedtime manners. Goodnight girls.

He spoke in a very gentle, non-threatening voice. He left.

The girls were stunned. I wasn't sure if I was brilliant or about to pay for therapy for the next five years and beyond. All the do's and don'ts of child safety were floating through my mind.

They were quiet. At some point, Zoe was a little sad and wanted to make sure he didn't come back. Mia on the other hand, liked him a lot and asked when the hotel man could come back and visit. They were both asleep very shortly after, and we had no sleep issues the rest of the trip.

Houston - June 2010

Every year, we trek to Houston for a birthday. It started with my great grandmother Ganny when she turned 80. She lived past 100, and now we celebrate my grandfather Milton. This year he turned 95. I love the chance to visit with my family and spend time with my grandpa.

We always start the weekend with a big birthday family dinner.

At some point, we always visit his and my uncle's costume and display store, Southern Importers.

The kids love dressing up,

playing with their cousins,

and doing some of the fun things in the mall like ice skating and bunjie trampoline.

Zoe jumped on the trampoline last year and loved it. We decided to let Mia give it a try this year. She was a little small for it, but given her propensity for jumping on and off pretty much anything, I figured it was worth the try.

And, yes, she loved it too. Although, it did leave her a bit speechless at first.

There is also a children's museum and a park with an amazing train ride. Too bad it's always blazing hot. Aunts Julie and Cindy are in the 3rd row back, then Uncle Jason, Zoe and cousin Ryan. Cousin Julia, me and Mia are next. Grandma Barbara, Sophie

and dad were taking pictures from the row ahead.

Zoe is 100% in love with Ryan. They held hands most of the train ride and squealed at the ducks, birds, squirrels, turtle, grass...basically anything and everything.

Sophie let the heat lull her to sleep in daddy's arms.

Zoe and Mia busied their time waiting for the train ride by running an ice cream parlor out of this sculpture.

Visit from Uncle Brad

It was a first when Ruth went in to check on Zoe and Mia at nap time and found Zoe sitting on Mia's bed and staring out the window. We thought it was because there was a rain storm and lightening outside that may have woken her up. When asked however, she said she was waiting for Uncle Brad to come over.

Uncle Brad met his newest niece Sophie.

Enjoyed some down time hanging out at home.

And a few fist bumps to say good bye (along with lots of hugs and kisses).